A little update…

So it’s been quite a while since I’ve last blogged. Lots of things have happened to me. Most of those happen to be bad. I’ve became prone to being depressed so much more easily and I’m just starting to lose everything in myself. I just feel, that I’m not living my own life. I feel that I’m living someone else’s life instead. I don’t feel that I’m myself. I’ve tried to think about my career in future but honestly, I dont have a job I really enjoy. I do, that is, but if I said I wanted a gaming career, it’ll be obviously a no-no. Why? I’m so bad with games, I take forever to an incoming projectile and Im unable to take criticism. Reaction is slow, and I sometimes when my friends try to give me positive feedback on my in-game performance, my ears just shut completely and I just reject every word they say. Sometimes, I feel that I was born into this world just to study, get a job. reproduce and then die. That’s all I feel what’s life is. All the enjoyments, whether is it in the form of family time, gaming , sexual, or just hanging out with friends, I feel that it all becomes redundant in the end. Was I born into this world just to earn money, buy my own house, support a family an then fuck off from this world? Seriously, is there a meaning in life? Yeah, you can tell me stories about the less fortunate, yes, or even those who are handicapped but still see life in a positive light- do they just not see that there’s always an ending point in the human cycle of life?

I have to admit, I have been toying with girls, and Ive been fooled by them as well. Haha, kharma hits very hard and is real. I have to admit, I have been on beds with girls but trust me I always stay safe. And again fuck me for ranting but I still miss Joana. It feels like all the girls Ive played with are all just for the sole purpose of  satisfying the need factor in my life. But she, allowed me to experience true love. Without her, I’ve lost my will to exercise, Ive even lost track on how to maintain a proper conversation with a normal human being. I feel that my health has already been adversely sometimes I try running and my head starts to hurt real bad. It’s currently my holidays and Ive been spent almost a thousand dollars on paid sex with girls.

I think retribution has hit me hard. Currently, even meeting up with a girl just to eat or watch my favourite anime movie One piece film go is proving to be with such difficulty. What’s wrong with me, do I look socially inappropriate? Am I behaving in a socially awkward and unacceptable manner? Please tell me someone…

Christmas is here but you’re not

so hey, here I am again. It’s almost the 24th of December and Christmas soon to be. I had a great time at the Christmas party and loved the atmosphere especially. I was really lucky today to get chosen for the random draw. The gift exchange was definitely a memorable one. As usual, my socially awkward self reappeared and I couldn’t interact with the others. THANKFULLY, almost everyone there were very friendly and nice.  Well… I’m a free thinker but I still think that having a religion is just weird (not in a negative sense though). Since I was young, I was made to follow the path of a Catholic. However, both my parents are Buddhists. A few years later I was introduced to Christianity. So yeah, I was really annoyed at that time. It’s like you’re being forced into believing all three at once. Oh well that isn’t the main point here,

ALRIGHT, back to the main point. Lols didn’t think I would’ve drifted so far from what I wanted to blog about.

So ummm, it’s almost Christmas I’m starting to get really emotional all over again. Since I can’t spend it with her. Today I just passed by clementi, where she stays. And I couldn’t help but be reminded of her. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to forget her. It’s just that it’s really painful to not be able to see her. I’ve ditched my whole social life, I’ve given up on studies, I’ve zero motivation to do part time jobs. It’s really hard to cope without a girl you’ve felled   in love with at first sight. Trust me , she’s definitely the only girl I’ll ever fall in love with. No matter how pretty other girls seem to me, I’ll always return to thinking of her. That’s why I think I’m really in love with her.

Recently, one of my favorite Japanese idols got attached. They even did a kiss scene on television live. Wew, it was absurdly romantic to the point where I got jealous. Yeah it’s not easy to make me jealous just so you know. How I wish I could spend Christmas with her. Joana, if only if I could spend Christmas with you…

 

 

 

My life is in a mess

well so I guess I couldn’t handle the stress from keeping things to myself anymore.

Honestly, I think I am suffering from depression. Without her, my life is just awful. I’ve stopped working, gave up on my studies, and i look so bad right now.

I can’t seem to find her. Earlier today i was on tinder, trying to look for a ‘new gf’. Yeah trust me, there are lots of girls with outstanding qualities, no doubt. But still, after taking a liking to all those girls it still came back to square 1; and that was her.

I don’t care. Society might not view her as the prettiest girl or whatsoever. I don’t care. What matters is that I really like her. She’s like a missing ingredient  in my life. Without her, I can’t have flavors. Without her, I can’t even conduct myself to how I am expected of from the society. Forget that, I can’t even find a reason to talk or socialize with anyone unless it’s regarding school work. Even if I managed to, the conversation would usually be over in 2 sentences.

Unsure of what to do. Someone help. I wish I had remembered to get her contact on that day! It feels like I am never going to meet her for an eternity.

IM SO SOORRYY

Ermm I actually do not like blogging unless I have something to blog about… So, why am I blogging today? Well, I sort of owe a girl an apology. So what happened?

Yesterday, I was on a job for a banquet dinner. Yeah,I met this girl who apparently transferred from a JC into Ngee Ann Poly. I was working with her on that day with a few others and I sort of liked her as she had a natural blush to her cheeks (so cute omg xD). She knew some Japanese as well (dont know if she was in the midst of learning the language). So after work, I had to collect my pay from the agent and she just happened to be there. Guess what? I couldn’t collect my pay (I forgot to givesome sort of slip to the manager for the approval of it).

Ahh back to the main point, so I asked her if she collected her pay and she had already did so. She also learned that I couldn’t find that manager so she accompanied me to find him. I found out that she had dropped her wallet on the way. After getting my pay check approved, I tried looking for her but to no avail. so I waited where I was hoping that she’ll appear. And indeed, she came out of no where with her wallet (I felt that I had actually a sense of responsibility to ensure that her wallet was found). She was quite surprised that I waited for her so we decided to leave the premise together.

So…the sky was dark. The night life was out. And guess what, I forgot the way to the train station so I walked to the bus stop with her to look for any direct buses that could take me back.I found a bus that was able to bring me back to somewhere close to my place but I had to change buses if I did that. Considering that the time was already pass midnight, bus services were ending soon. So she insisted that she bring me to the train station.  We actually ran to there together. Since she stayed at Clementi and we were working at Orchard.I felt really guilty at that moment. Just because of my poor sense of direction, she had to waste her time on me.

What happened next was really weird.WE BOTH GOT ON THE WRONG TRAIN. So..we didn’t manage to see one another after that. I’ll feel really bad if she took a cab home because of missing the last train. Therefore, I really want to say sorry to her.

But hey, I didn’t get her contact which is pretty sad. I sort of liked her.

A very special day to remember.

OH hey folks, would you believe it? It’s me. I’m actually blogging. Yeah PCC’s/ Cheesy is REALLY B-L-O-G-G-I-N-G. I think I’m changing. Speaking of change, I just remembered a fact my form teacher told the class at the beginning of the Sec 3 year- “Change is the only constant”. I’m a person who loves to go against what others say but look at me. I’m a living contradiction LOL.

If you guys didn’t know, I was in Hk from 21/3/14-26/3/14. The trip was like…eat, shop and sleep. But for most of the time, I felt like I was shopping more than sleeping (oh gawd that’s odd). The streets are scary. They have like one street (I BET THERE’S MORE THAN ONE)  which sells only branded stuff such as Nike, Addidas etc…and there were so many of each. But damn. The shoes they sell are all at a controlled price :l (no bargaining. take it or leave it). Out of the 6 days, FOUR was spent accompanying my mom and my aunt to shop.

PS to all guys: HK is a good place to go if you want to train to tolerate how much a lady is able to spend. HAHA train for your future gfs. And yes, it’s a very good place for couples.

OKAY that’s not the main point of this post. If you’re thinking…”What’s this special day?”, “Is it because it’s his first time writing on this blogspot? Like who cares?” YOU’RE IN FOR A HUGE SURPRISE.

The special day was actually yesterday, The 29th of March 2014. NO I’m not attached or whatsoever. Wanna try guessing? Nah, I’ll come straight to the point. IT WAS MY FIRST TIME BEING LATE FOR SOMETHING IN MY LIFE_-WORK. If you don’t know me, I’m a guy who takes punctuality very seriously (maybe not right now). Yeah, so I was late. Didn’t brush my teeth, didn’t shower, didn’t get breakfast. I just dashed out without even locking the door >:O (HAHA THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PART OF MY PRIMARY SCH ESSAY WHICH I ALWAYS USE). Gross isn’t it? I only got a taxi after waiting for 15 fucking minutes.  YES, I WAS STILL LATE EVEN THOUGH I TOOK A CAB LOL- ONE MINUTE LATE. That resulted in a one hour deduction of my pay. So I decided to not work for that hour and get a good breakfast at MAC 😀 I still remember taking a selfie on that day (RANDOM). Ermmm that’s more or less it.

—————————————————-End of March————————————————————————-

The month of April:

*Blasts One Piece Openings and thinks of what to type…* Btw, I’m typing this on the 7th of April.

OH 1 more MONTH till my birthday. Wonder how it’ll be like this year. *Flips to calendar @7 MAy* Ahh dayum, it’s a fucking Wednesday. I prolly will have school on that day. Yeah I do not get gifts on my birthday except cakes my parents buy for me. SAd right? Never hanged out with my friends before on any either. I mean…it’s okay if I don’t get gifts. In fact, I DON’T WANT THEM. I just don’t want to stay at home and rot on my birthday. It feels fucking horrible. But there was one year, I think when I was Sec 2…everyone was like “HBD CHESTNUT” on Facebook. Okay, that was nice. But other than that no. I don’t even think wishing someone HBD on FB rn is popular or a trend anymore…

One more week till my…Poly orientation.

 

OKAY lol I really suck. I’ve never touched this blog for like a month. Yeah it’s my b’day today. So…I’m going to continue with how my poly orientation turned out to be.

 

Well. I’m currently enrolled in NYP, studying the Diploma in Food and Beverage Business. On the 1st day of the orientation, we were supposed to find our OGLs and seat accordingly to where they were. And…the worst part was that our OGLs weren’t there yet so I had to wonder around the whole auditorium like a fool. When I finally got a seat, I was like twitting away with Cliff. Okay here comes the part where it gets exciting.

I knew somebody was seated on my left and right but I just didn’t know who since I was busy on the phone. I then decided to turn my head. Guess what. I was sandwiched in between two girls. They were not bad looking la lol. As you guys should know, I get reallyyy awkward when it comes to girls so I was flustered at that point. Ofc, I went back to my phone. Later, the OGL came and asked me to “socialise”. WTS do you want me to talk about, I’m bad with girls la.

OKAY FK. I totally forgot what happened on Day 1 of orientation other than sitting in between 2 girls (>.<)” That day was quite boring tbh.

Continuing to Day 2…

Ermmm…the second day of the orientation was much more memorable tbh. Again, I can’t remember everything which happened. (LMAO I feel that I’m having dementia). There was this game where you had to bite the biscuit with your mouth with it starting from your forehead (I think they copied the idea from Running Man…correct right?). SO, if you were wearing specs, you had to take them off. For me, it was quite an unglam sight to behold.

Apparently, there wasn’t supposed to be any wet games planned on that day BUT, our OGLs created one themselves. I THINK IT WAS CALLED SPLASH ANYBODY YOU WANT. So yup, almost everyone got wet. Then this OGL of another group got splashed (yeah idw to use the word “wet” anymore) really badly and guess what…the t-shirt for the OGLs were white so…ERRHMMM PFFT. Later, we ended the day with a dance which was bleh.

For dinner that day, almost the whole class gathered at Mac and we took selfies (I wish we have more gatherings of this kind tbh).

Otw to MRT, one of the girls who were seated beside me during Day 1 orientation asked me this…” Why did you only talk to the girl on your right? Do you have something against me?” Ermm tbh, I was quite stunned. If you’re reading this, sorry la lol. I can’t handle girls and I get really awkward with them so it’s like asking me to do things out of my “threshold”. Alright, that day ended with that.

Let’s like time travel one month forward to today. Mmmm as I mentioned earlier, today is my b’day and as usual and it coincidentally collided with today’s cake baking practical. My group’s sponge cake turned out to be quite the failure…urghh So when we moved out of the lab kitchen after the prac, someone asked me (forgot who) if today was my birthday and I was shocked b’cause I didn’t expect anyone to care so everyone was like singing “HBD to you….”  Yay! I appreciated that and it sorta made my day. Big thanks to that anon person :’) !

After sch, I went to collect and learnt how to put on my own pair of contacts. It was damn painful tbh. Don’t try contacts unless you desperately want them. Everyone in the optical shop was looking at me and I bet they were judging HMMPH 😡

Alright IDK how to continue so I’ll just end here ^_&